This is what Mommy's heart looks like when it breaks.

If you have never spent the night in the hospital with your child, I sincerely hope for you with all my heart that you never, ever have to experience it.  If you have lived though it, you understand exactly where I am coming from.  Your heart breaks into a million little, bitty pieces.  My heart goes out and is with any parent out there who has walked this road. 

I should say right off the bat, that we are soooooo lucky.  We have a healthy, beautiful, perfect baby, but apparently every baby has their issues.  Allie's tongue is big for her mouth and she makes a noise called strider while she is breathing.  Our pediatrician wanted to make sure that her tongue wasn't blocking her airway while she was sleeping so we went to the Riley Sleep Disorder Center to do a sleep study on Allie.  Basically this  meant we had to spend the night at the hospital while Allie's breathing, oxygen levels, and heart rate were monitored.  I was a little unprepared for all the  monitors that would be attached to my precious baby.  The respiratory therapist said I wouldn't be able to see her face when she was done...I thought surely she was exaggerating.  But as I watched my baby go from this...

"What's going on here, Mom????"

What's on my head???  Where did my arms go?  Why do I have these weird hair extensions?

"Please forgive Mommy, sweet baby"

My poor, little Angel girl

 to this, Mommy pretty much lost her marbles.  Doesn't she look like the saddest, most pathetic little girl in the whole world?  And she slept in one of those hospital cribs that looks like a baby jail.  Mommy slept on a pullout hospital chair right next to the baby jail where I could watch her and worry, worry and watch.  Poor Todd slept on a pullout hospital chair, too, except his was in the "Family Sleep Area"  aka a closet at the end of the hall, which he had to share with the dad of another child getting studied that night...weird.  Then Todd got up, showered, and went straight to work at  his hospital from the hospital where Allie was being studied.  He is a pretty, solid Daddy like that.  Allie was a champ, too, and slept from 10:30 until 3:30.  Then she woke up to nurse...with all those wires and craziness taped to her face...  Let's say it wasn't the most successful nursing session we ever had.  By the time we got to leave the next morning, Allie and I were both completely wrecked.  We went home and slept.  Allie slept for six hours straight before I finally woke her up to nurse again.  We will get the results in 7 to 10 days.  Everything seemed to go really well, but we'll know for sure then.  Until then, Mommy will just keep watching and worrying, worrying and watching...which apparently is an integral part of this whole Mommahood thing.  Sigh.