When I was in fifth grade I was desperately trying (and probably failing) to be totally, totally awesome. I was watching Saturday Night Live cuz all the cool kids did it, and pretending I got the jokes from Wayne's World (which I didn't because my momma raised me right and I for sure wasn't allowed to see PG-13 movies until, well, 13 or possibly even 14). I'm not saying I didn't still play with baby dolls, I did, but at school????????? Heck to the no!!!!!!!!!! So anyway, what are these girls doing bringing their babies to school?
Tangent over, back to my story. So this doll looked like a real baby. This was not a toy. This was a doll that like Marie Osmond would sell to poor little old ladies on QVC for something ridiculous like $150 (is that the going rate for a fake baby?? I googled it just to check, holy Moses! Sorry, I CAN'T escape tangents today). It was big, like the size of a one year old, had creepy real baby eyes, a mop of brown hair, it gave me the willies. So, she takes the thing to her desk, and I'm like, "Umm, small child, the doll goes in the backpack now." To which she responds, "I know." (In my head, I said, um, then why the heck is it at your desk????? but I did not say that out loud, because I am a loving educator, y'all. Never ever do I say anything to a child that is not kindly, or inspiring). So, at that point I sort of forget about the fake baby.......
Until...prep. I had just dropped the darlings off at music, got back to my desk, started grading, and looked up to see........FAKE BABY STARING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally almost peed myself. The doll was sitting in the backpack as if it were a Baby Bjorn. It's creepy baby hands were hanging out the sides, reaching for me and its creepy fake baby face stared at me from over the top. The cubbies are on the opposite side of the room from my desk, so pretty much me and fake baby were having a wicked staring contest. It was like a Chuckie movie, I was so sure it was going to get me. Until Michelle walked in and I realized fake baby was actually staring at her, not so much at me. Whew! What a relief. The rest of the day that darn baby continued to stare me down, but you know, I'm bigger and real...so I think I won.
So anyway, I TOTALLY meant to take a picture, but forgot and am now kicking myself. I was all, shoot! Here is one of my funniest school stories, and no fake baby pictures!!! But then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remembered I have maybe the most hilarious fake baby pictures EVER IN THE WORLD!!!!!! When Shells, Donald, Toddy, and I went to Frankenmuth for Fall Break, we happened into a toy store with the best fake babies ever. And these pictures also make me almost pee a little, but for a different reason, because they're HILARIOUS. So, enjoy and happy fake baby Thursday folks!
Umm, it's a red headed fake baby. Cuz according to the Social Security lady who almost made Todd a Jacewicz, "All yo' babies gonna have red hair." Possible ma'am, though the Punnet Square and rudimentary genetics would argue otherwise.
And this one? Notice that not only is it fake baby, but fake baby in a party hat. Cuz Shells baby will like to party. This may be my all time favorite photo of you Shells! Smoochies. By the way, most fun trip ever. My bee (boo) golf ball still holds a place of honor in the laundry room.
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